Today I have a guest model. Red Jacket at Zara. $199

 The thing about Bro is… when it comes to living he is practical like he is 50. “When can I ever wear this in S’pore?” I am trying to be much like him.

Checkered Shirt from Taiwan’s Wu Fen Pu. (5 cents dent) Leggings from the now defunct This Fashion. Shoes from Far East.

It’s been a week since I returned from Israel. Numerous people have asked me how it was…and I have given a myriad of different answers. Some versions more popular than the others. Sometimes I am not quite sure how to translate Israel to anyone. Because what does it mean to you? This Biblical revealation. How does it make sense to you? When God said he will come for his people? And why should it mean anything to us? This 4000 years of History embedded in this Holy Land?

Yet I shall try.

**

Day 6

Location: Jordan, Jerusalem

Our Tour Guide Ido tells us that all houses in Israel has to have a bomb shelter. It is written in law. Anytime a bomb can come down and they shall survive it. I cannot help but wonder how it affects the way people live.

Today we are at Jordan. The chief river of Palestine, flowing through the slopes of Mount Hermon through Lake Huleh and the Sea of Galilee to the Dead Sea. The waters here were miraculously stopped for the Israelites to pass. This is where Jesus was baptized.

One year ago, I had a strong desire to come to Israel. The thing I have learnt about human beings is how suggestible we can be. All Pastor had to do was speak of Israel and I am here. Another thing I learnt about human beings is He has a way of doing things. And sometimes you don’t get it. But you just have to do what He says.

The reason why I go and what he wants me to learn, it is not clear to me yet. And perhaps when it does become evident I would have stopped looking for it. All I know is that my eyes have widened. My knowledge has expanded. I have met people with stories to tell that enriches my soul. I understand His heart more.

God also placed with me a sort of test. Travel mate is quite the challenge. In fact after 3 travel trips I have just discovered how said mate does not brush her teeth in the morn nor at night, causing me to do a Sherlock Homes to speculate a lack of teeth to brush. All makes sense, based on her hearty appetite for desserts. (We speak of 2 plates full of every conceivable dessert in the five star hotel).

The test does not stop there. For I’ve presented with a reflection of how negative and judgmental I can be. A mirror image of sorts. Definitely reminds me of the sacred phrase: “If you do not have something nice to say, don’t say it.”

In these trials I try to think about Jesus and focus on the learning and the Bible. There are so many things I do not know. So marvelous how wisdom shall be acquired.

For this day Lord, I thank you for your daily bread. I trust in your provision of grace and wisdom. I trust you place words in me that will fulfill greater purposes. I give thanks to your divine plans to strengthen me in character and in faith.

How was Israel?

Like what my tour guide likes to say …. “You aint seen nothing yet.”

Every now and then I unconsciously hop on to the Thought Bike. Once you get on it you cannot stop. It goes in circles and after a while you have forgotten how you started and because of that you don’t know how to end.

Last night I believe I was having a pseudo anxiety attack about going back to work. The Thought Bike rides along “It’s gonna be okay” and meditating on Pastor’s message about “Unceasing fruitfulness” and then comes full circle to ”I don’t want to go to work.” It’s ridiculous. How many times do I have to tell me?

Times like this I think about Jade the Australian who popped Xanax whenever boss said something she can’t handle.

Times like this I do miss teaching and just focusing on that one student. That one difference. That one connection.

**

I am ushering the new year with Murakami. I know. How warped can he be? The thing is I tend to believe that he merely tell stories that most people ar either too attached or too detached to tell. Each page I get inside his world and it becomes real. I am jealous of the characters. Even though they are miserable. At least they are part of a story I wanna read.

This semester I got A- for both subjects and had to deflect thoughts of self condemnation. This being very contradictory to my earlier decisions of walking out of the exam hall after an hour instead of two, for both papers.

Today my brother and I were working on replicating a magic puzzle. After both our attempted explanation we were about to give up figuring the shit out when suddenly he EUREKA-ED. As he trimmed the papers he mummbles with (premature) confidence “Sometimes…our human brain is just….too complicated..” I wait for the ephipany of a solution. After he was done, I realised there was extra paper all over and his trick was ruined by his supposedly EUREKA moment. I started going: “Got Extra! Got Extra La. Extra!” And he turned the paper around again and again, oblivious to the folly. (He couldn’t see as clearly as I due to the way the lighting in the room was) I started laughing at his pseudo “moment of glory” and after about 10 seconds he realised and he started laughing uncontrollably with me. It was so funny we had cried tears and in between the last laugh and grasping the last funny thought, I felt a tremendous sense of sadness of how short-lived the moment was.

Fruitlessly I tried to take a picture of myself with tears of laughter to capture the moment.

**

The truth is…. Good things come from the Thought Bike. Sometimes it gives me magic when I write.

The Yogi in me really liked this. Read it.

My Bro once shared a theory. Year after Year, nothing much about you changes except for the people you meet and the books you read. (For me also the movies I watch)

At 28, I feel like a concoction of memories plugged out from various stages in my life. If you’d ask, I think my default age is all of 18. I feel tonight as though one’s life is like stack attack. I now have 28 layers. Currently, I’m made up of the blocks I’ve plugged from each important stage of my life. At 5, when I had my first crush on a boy. At 17, when I decided people should call me Zann. At each age you could have unresolved stories and these are your holes. They are the kinda things you bring with you upstairs, to form you at your current age.

Some people call these baggage.

Because of that theory, each year around this time I like to think about the year all over again. And focus on what made sense. These are the blocks I wanna bring with me to the next level. Year after year, I want to celebrate life and document good moments.

Defining Moments in 2011

1. In January this year I met the cutest group of Korean kids. They made my heart sing every moment I spent with them. I dare say it was something like being totally in <3. Also I must add that watching Adam’s Couple and 2am’s Jo Kwon made my 2011 more amazing.

2. Going on 4 big trips this year did wonders to my soul. US’s Colorado, Korea, London and Israel. I don’t think anyone can boast of such an impressive record. For that I say kudos to my wanton heart and Amen to my Daddy God.

3. This year I am also 1/6th closer to achieving my dream of being a English Major. Who would have thought eh?

4. In September I took the leap and left one lovely job to another lovely job. You don’t say. Blessed am I. Who can say @ 28 that they’ve had two lovely jobs?

5. Perming my hair. To see things differently, you gotta give some variety whenever you look at that mirror.

6. Getting a paint job done for our antique of a car.

7. Serving at Church.

It could be the beautiful poverty that I am suffering from, it could be the Bieber Fever tiding over, it could be finally getting my priorities right, it could be Christmas songs playing in the background….But 2011 has been a very blessed year.

One thing you and I both need to remember for 2012 is this:

“ I will touch you, but you won’t know when. Therefore live life as intensely as you can.”

Except, he was late. And it wouldn’t matter as much but.

I was early.

**

You sit in the wind and it blows away your thoughts of fleeing the scene.

“What’s the colour of your car?”

“It’s in the shade of sarcasm.”

“Right.

And I’m in a shade of pissed blue.”

**

What the fuck do people say when they get into a stranger’s car?

“You’re late.”

“Haha isn’t it obvious? Is this gonna be the theme of the night?”

**

我不管你是谁, 不管你人好不好. 只要你美.

我不管你心有没有碎, 不管你到底爱过几回.

只要你愿意, 我们可以玩的很好.

但是我都不是. 我的心软得很, 碎的残. 在还没开始之前已经在碎.

喜欢现在只是一种恐怖, 暧昧也只是一种浪费.

Z: Ah…for me  I watch a lot of movies. Jog, cycle, fly kites….travel out of it. Why don’t you use an iphone? Do people in your country use it?

Y: ah yes. Everyone does. For me, I don’t like to text or use Facebook. I just call.

Z: Ah…. yes. Here we text and FB a lot…. So how many times do you call your girlfriend a day?

Y: 3 times.

Z: But you have two so that is 6 times a day!

Y: (guffaws and grabs my left calf)

Z: (?!?)So what do people in your country do for fun?

Y: We track mountain gorillas.

Z: No shite.

**       **       **

Possibly the most interesting thing in my new career is meeting people from different parts of the world. Uncle Bill warned me about this perk and unless you are in it you wouldn’t comprehend how speaking to someone from somewhere sometimes brings you more enlightenment then being there. At times when language isn’t a barrier I want to ask so many questions. How did you live in 1994? In the Rwanda Genocide. How was life like as a child? Tell me about the two girls you are dating. How shall you pick? Let me bring you around and show you this and that and that and this. What do you like about your life? What do you not like? How is your faith? How did you come about it? What the fuck do you do with the gorillas you track?

Ofcourse most times I can’t. And it irritates me in gorillic proportions.

And I had, in my opinion, started to prepare for it too early (if that can even be) and was so bored with the subject I did not even glance at notes all day. In that 30 minutes and in between breaks along the traffic lights, the wind blowing at my face after the rain, a few things crossed my mind.

1. I bet no one has as antique a car as this.

2. I blardy hate exams I don’t know why I put myself through this (I obviously know why)

3. I need to call starhub to screw them over my 300 bucks phonebill while in UK

4. Fuck I left my handphone at work desk or toilet no workdesk….

5. Yay I am watching Breaking Dawn this Saturday

In a fraction of a second, in between the spaces of transient inconsequential thoughts, I felt happy.

Happier than right now actually. Funny isn’t it?

How it is.

Hence I wish to devote time to the one thing that made me think this month. The Movie ”In Time.”

You can call it pop culture (bummed into Rishi outside the cinema and he ironically dissed my choice of film while he watches a Bollywood movie) or state of the art concept. I call it a fabric of the truth. Pity that my movie partner might not have drawn the parallel. (I hate it when that happens.) I want Leenu back forever in time.

In their world everything is paid with time. Any 25 year old would have to start the clock. The clock that puts the halt to you growing old, a halt that displays itself on a string of numbers by your arm. Reminding you of how much time you have left. You could transfer time through your hands. You could give away time. You could steal time. Justin Timberlake gambles with time. (Or his life if you think about it) A bus ride will cost 2 hours of your time. A meal could cost 3 hours. A car, 6 months. There is central time keeper. (Like a Ministry of Finance if you think about it.) And he maintains the “balance” between the rich and the poor. People in the ghettos can go to banks to borrow time with an interest. Rich people lock a decade of time in their saves and control the world. Only how do you live when you have a decade of time that everyone wants? How do you live day to day preventing it from being stolen?

Justin Timberlake plays a dude from the ghetto who has the heart of a lion. His mum dies after her time ran out because they were poor. Some guy who was tired of living donated his time to Justin and he starts his adventure which invariably involves sweet time-rich Amanda Seyfried in hot heels. Weary of being controlled by her wealthy tycoon father, she finds a perspective with Justin’s character.

JT disturbs the system ofcourse. He steals from the rich and gives it to the poor. Puts everyone in a frenzy. Especially the police who needs to guard the “system.”

There is a parallel between what happens in the show and in our reality. In our world, people steal and transfer and give money away. In our world we work for money. There is a divide of how the rich and poor lives.

When my movie partner came out of the cinema and said: “Yes, what the police said was true. He upset the system by stealing from the rich and giving money to the poor.”

I knew that the night was over.

After mulling over it for a while I wonder if you would think the same? And it was I, who lived in a ideal world. Where everyone could have the same opportunities to live the life they want. To dictate what they are worth.

It is silly, isn’t it? I am still mulling over it.

What I really wanna try for a day…. (like Amanda Seyfied’s character did) was to have the clock tick by my hands and earn every minute of time I have on this earth. What would change? How would I live?

If you, kind reader, watched this movie, please so release me from my misery and share (tactfully please) what you thought of it. It meaning the amazing satire of a movie.